The Doubt Factor

 

One of the things I've noticed through my recent Bible studies is that sometimes the more you learn, the more you muse, the more questions you have. And yes sometimes doubts too. I've written before that I'm like Peter in that I can jump right out of the boat without thinking but it is in those first moments on the water that faith slips.

I'd love to say that I have a constant strong faith that never falters but that would be a lie. Sometimes I wonder about God and why so many years have passed since Jesus's time and what that means. I wonder of the miracles Jesus performed and why we live in a land barren of such miracles. Sometimes I must admit I even think, "is it real?" It is at such times that I understand evil and its insidious ways of entering our midst.

Remember that the goal of good is to "become" and the goal of evil is unbecoming. To become is to reach a higher level of spiritual awareness, faith and love, which at its peak is crowned in our reconnection with our God. To unbecome is to de-evolve, to deteriorate into nothingness, lacking human conscious and emotion. Doubt is but a tool, one of many, to confuse and conquer. It seeps in gradually, along with others such as judgment, greed, and envy.

Sometimes, in my case it is not so much doubt as it is the question: "why". I'm an unraveler of mysteries, a seeker, a questioner, and I wonder, a lot about why certain things unfold in my own life the way they do. Is there meaning in it or just some rambled jumbled mess?  Perhaps it is a simpler version of what so many have asked before and continue to ask today...."is there meaning in this life?"

Some days I am strong and happy in my complete devotion to knowing all is as it should be, that no matter what life throws my way, I will stand strong and faith will carry me. Other days, and honestly sometimes just unexpected moments, random waves of doubt, uncertainty and feelings of failure cascade over me like whitecaps in a stormy ocean. I question life, I question me.

I ask, "where is God?"

Well this is quite a musing now isn't it? Uplifting (not). But all musings are not about the happy sunshine smiles of faith. Some are about the sorrowful wailings of the spirit. God knows this and he does not give into us like a toddler throwing a tantrum. He waits, patient, and sometimes silent for us to work it out. Sometimes that takes years. Yet He leads us, with signs and signals, unexpected lights in our darkest moments, songs and simple things like tomatoes! For while we may falter in our faith in Him, He never falters in his faith in us. He knows we can work it out.

Hugs to each of you and hugs to me also.