The Doubt Factor

 

One of the things I've noticed through my recent Bible studies is that sometimes the more you learn, the more you muse, the more questions you have. And yes sometimes doubts too. I've written before that I'm like Peter in that I can jump right out of the boat without thinking but it is in those first moments on the water that faith slips.

I'd love to say that I have a constant strong faith that never falters but that would be a lie. Sometimes I wonder about God and why so many years have passed since Jesus's time and what that means. I wonder of the miracles Jesus performed and why we live in a land barren of such miracles. Sometimes I must admit I even think, "is it real?" It is at such times that I understand evil and its insidious ways of entering our midst.

Remember that the goal of good is to "become" and the goal of evil is unbecoming. To become is to reach a higher level of spiritual awareness, faith and love, which at its peak is crowned in our reconnection with our God. To unbecome is to de-evolve, to deteriorate into nothingness, lacking human conscious and emotion. Doubt is but a tool, one of many, to confuse and conquer. It seeps in gradually, along with others such as judgment, greed, and envy.

Sometimes, in my case it is not so much doubt as it is the question: "why". I'm an unraveler of mysteries, a seeker, a questioner, and I wonder, a lot about why certain things unfold in my own life the way they do. Is there meaning in it or just some rambled jumbled mess?  Perhaps it is a simpler version of what so many have asked before and continue to ask today...."is there meaning in this life?"

Some days I am strong and happy in my complete devotion to knowing all is as it should be, that no matter what life throws my way, I will stand strong and faith will carry me. Other days, and honestly sometimes just unexpected moments, random waves of doubt, uncertainty and feelings of failure cascade over me like whitecaps in a stormy ocean. I question life, I question me.

I ask, "where is God?"

Well this is quite a musing now isn't it? Uplifting (not). But all musings are not about the happy sunshine smiles of faith. Some are about the sorrowful wailings of the spirit. God knows this and he does not give into us like a toddler throwing a tantrum. He waits, patient, and sometimes silent for us to work it out. Sometimes that takes years. Yet He leads us, with signs and signals, unexpected lights in our darkest moments, songs and simple things like tomatoes! For while we may falter in our faith in Him, He never falters in his faith in us. He knows we can work it out.

Hugs to each of you and hugs to me also.

Tomatoes, Peppers, and God

Ok I'm sure you are thinking HOW is she going to weave God in to tomatoes and peppers, right? Well these are actually the third and fourth box of tomatoes from my brother in laws garden. Needless to say, I'm up to my ears in tomatoes. When this picture was taken I had already made, tons of spaghetti sauce and salsa to freeze. Since this picture was taken I've actually processed another one of the boxes of tomatoes......so anyway...how does this relate to God?

Well, while you are hot bath, cold bath, peeling and deseeding you have a lot of time to think. I actually played JOY FM in the kitchen while I worked which I think helped me keep calm and not dissolve into tears after tomato number 235. And that's not even mentioning the peppers....

 

Quite honestly though after day three of working with produce a calm settled over me and I started pondering the bounty of the earth. The simple ways that God provides for us. Oh tomatoes and peppers don't pay the bills but I sometimes think a "back to the basics" approach to life might de-stress a lot of people. I started to "value" that produce.

 

There was something "basic" about putting away food for winter, harvesting the blessings God bestowed on us, and just feeling the "realness" of food without additives and preservatives. It felt "real", it felt honest, it felt "core" somehow. It made me realize if we could just somehow wipe away all the "mankind" stuff, all the busyness of a world gone mad then perhaps we could hear God's whispers a little easier.

 

Sometimes I wasn't even listening to the music on the radio but somehow the messages of the songs found their way into my brain, between the tomato seeds and the juice on the floor, the joyous words of God's love played into my mind, heart, and soul. Thank you God for tomatoes and peppers, making me slow down and recognize the "realness" of the earths bounty.

 

Hugs to all, may your life be filled with tomatoes and peppers.

Who is Jesus?

Who is Jesus? That was the question posed during today's sermon. There are so many ways to answer it that it took my mind a while to process it. There are so many directions one could head when exploring Jesus. I know the whole aspect of the sermon was to suggest that you can't really tell others about Jesus unless you know Him yourself.

The truth is while I agree with that in theory, I'm not sure it stands to reason in real life. It's not that I disagree it's just that it comes to mind the whole idea of the chicken or the egg.  So too, I think our relationship with our Savior can develop in multiple ways. And honestly if we wait until we have a strong solid relationship with him before "sharing" our thoughts, our ideas about Christ in our lives, and His teachings then we may not even get to it in this lifetime. I also believe that it is in our conversations with others about Christ that we truly come to know him. We have those "oh yeah" moments, things click and pieces that quite honestly felt disconnected suddenly connect. But anyway I'm rambling, let's get back to this idea of who Jesus is.

I could do a post along the traditional lines. You know.....

"For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me." Matthew 25: 35-36   And while that's so true, I'm seldom that simple in my musings. Pat answers don't get me to a deeper level.  

Who is Jesus? Let's start in that manager. Jesus came to us as a baby. Pure, innocent, helpless. In this form Jesus represented all of humankind. He traveled the same path we do. He didn't somehow just transcend the human experience and come to us as the Messiah. He started small, and humble, and precious. Just as all babies do. 

Just for the sake of musing I want to think about who Jesus is using some stories from his life, from his travels, from some simple and even "humanly" aspects. (Be warned, I'm not a Jesus expert and so there will be huge chunks, maybe some really good parts that I miss entirely). That's ok....this is after all a musing and it is subject to change, addition or deletion at any time.

As that baby, Jesus makes his first connections to the human experience. He is loved and in turn he loves.  "We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19   I know this doesn't refer to Jesus as a baby but it highlights the concept. How could Jesus love or understand how humans love if he had not experienced it himself?

Now we all know there's a lot of "years" missing from the accounts of Jesus's life. Let's just forge ahead to Jesus in the temple (about age 12) Jesus stayed behind in the temple and after his parents noticed he was missing, they returned to search for him. "Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man." Luke 2: 51-52 

Who is Jesus in this story?  He is the son, just like all sons, who occasionally wanders off to explore, to learn, to investigate the world only to discover later that he had "worried" someone. He was "obedient to them" not because he had to follow "human constraints" but rather in spite of them. Why? Because he loved. 

In chapter two of the Gospel of John, we hear the story of Jesus turning the water into wine. When his mother asks him to help when the wine is gone Jesus says "Woman why do you involve me? My hour has not yet come." John 2: 4 This always makes me smile. A son's impatience perhaps with his mothers request? But none the less, he does as she asks and "helps" by turning the water into wine. When I first read it I thought this was a rather trivial "miracle" compared to the others, slightly mundane. But why did Jesus do it? From love.

In the Gospel of John we also hear the story of the Samaritan woman at the well. Jesus was a "rule breaker". He liked to cross the line, to "think outside the box (using today's terms). Who is Jesus?He's a little bit of a rebel and I like that about him.

I could go on and on listing stories but I'll just share one more....

On the cross one of the thieves asks Jesus to remember him and Jesus says, "truly I say to you, today you shall be with me in paradise.". Who is Jesus? Well, evidently He is someone who even in the midst of dying himself, offers comfort and hope to someone else.

Who is Jesus? is a question I pondered during my study of John and below is a page I created in my journal with all the names "given" to Jesus in this Gospel.

Jesus is heavenly (Son of God) but he has human aspects (Son of man) and has lived the human experience so he could truly understand the parts of being human that people most clearly struggle with. We are constantly "becoming" the spiritual person that God wants us to be. Jesus clearly walked this path at a much higher level than we could ever strive for but it is indeed a path he walked.

He is the Good Shepard and he knows his sheep. He is the gate through which we all enter the kingdom of heaven. He is the light in the darkness so we are never overcome by it. He is the bread of life offering a nourishment for our soul. He is the word. "The word became flesh and made his dwelling among us."  He is the one who encourages us to "get out of the boat." and he is the one who saves us when faith wavers and we start to sink.

Hugs to all of you. May you ask who is Jesus and may He answer you.