Get Out of the Boat

As I continue to reflect on and "investigate"  Jesus, I am reminded of one of my favorite stories. The one of Jesus walking on the water. When Peter calls to him Jesus tells him to come. Peter gets out of the boat immediately but as he starts toward Christ he is overcome with fear and is sinking. Jesus reaches and catches him.  Matthew 14

I'm a lot like Peter, not in his courage of following Jesus and being a disciple but during his times of doubt and fear. For me getting out of the boat would be easy. I'd be quick and brave for those first moments. It's the long haul that trips me up. Fear and doubt so often creep up on me, pouncing like a tiger in the jungle. Strangling me and silencing me.

For those of you that truly know me in real life, you might be doubting that silencing part. Yet there are times when I am paralyzed by my fear. Fear of not having enough time here on earth, fear of loved ones being hurt or lost, fear that I've missed doing thing I "should" have done. It's a silent fear I carry, invisible to the outside world. Through the years I have fought and won the worry battle many times. Like Peter I am quick to get out of the boat but then find I lack the faith to do the things God wants me to do. It is my personal journey to move forward in faith with a calm soul that knows the grace of God. It's a path overgrown with weeds but I am slowly and carefully choosing the stones to step on.  

The boat story is not Peter's only moment of weakness. It is he that denies Christ three times before the rooster crows in Matthew 26:34. Upon discovering that Jesus was right and he had disowned him, Peter wept bitterly. It is hard to love someone, to believe in Him and find that you have fallen short of your claim of being willing to die with Him. Yet God knows our weakness and his ability to forgive and accept us back into his loving grace is endless.

 

 

One of the craziest dreams I've ever had is an end of the world, Revelations dream. In the dream people are being taken up, saved from the final days of tribulation but I am left behind. I am overcome with fear and dread. My faith has been found lacking. Yet in the course of the dream (or perhaps a nightmare) I find that God must leave some people behind. Who would bring others to him in those final days if all that believe are gone?  The oxymoron of the whole nightmare is that I am left behind for lack of faith (perhaps or for some other unknown reason) but then must "resist" evil and not deny my faith during the horrific final days. Crazy right?  I know no one has dreams of the end of times but me, right?

 

 

 

 Hugs to all of you. I hope my rambling musing about Christ, fear, and faith hasn't exposed my personal weaknesses too much. Yet it is in "being real" that we discover truths about ourselves that allow our spiritual journey to continue in an even more meaningful direction. I hope you will travel the paths with me and discover the hero inside of you.